


Stateless

by plummuffins



Series: Talk Me Down [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: M/M, but there is none of that in the kylux scenes, he is bill, i decided hux's first name is william, i havent written a chaptered fic in so long, i may or may not write the beginning bit, if i did it would be short, if there is i will tag it by chapter, like 3 chapters tops, literally dont care what it will be revealed to be, okay this starts like in the middle of shit, so I'm sorry, so i tagged it as rape/non con, uh there is some almost rape in chapter 2
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-02-17
Packaged: 2018-05-16 04:27:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5814064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plummuffins/pseuds/plummuffins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo Ren and Hux have fled to the Resistance, but will they survive things there any better than they survived the First Order? </p><p> </p><p>[I am so sorry. This was supposed to be a short but General Organa had different plans.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> So sorry for this.
> 
> It'll probably seem a bit OOC but there was a lot of character development that I never wrote? Because this was not supposed to be longer than one chapter. So yeah.  
> Listen to Stateless by Lovelife.

“Hux?” Kylo’s voice was fragile, a poorly concealed tremble tugging at Hux’s heart painfully. 

“I'm here,” he replied after a moment, desperate to keep his voice steady. He curled up on the cold cot, folding his body in around the com device in his hands. It was a one-channel device given to him by Organa as a soothing balm, allowing him to hear her son's voice tonight while refusing to let him see his face. “I'm here.”

“Hux, I..” the ex-sith-lord’s voice was small, too small. Hux didn't want him to sound so weak. “I can't do this. I can't let--”

“Shh,” he breathed, his body shivering from the cold room as much as from the chill creeping through his soul. “It’s okay, Kylo. I..we knew I would have to face my crimes. Your mother is doing exactly what I would do in her place. I  _ have _ to be executed.” He took a deep breath. “And you're going to get over it, Ren.”

There was a long pause of quiet static and Hux began to let his thoughts drift into the noise, wishing he could touch his Knight or kiss him one last time. “ _ William _ ,” the word was laced with a deep anguish that tore a half-sob from Hux. “I can't lose you.”

Hux couldn't help the soft keen that escaped his lips, wanting desperately to alleviate the suffering of the man he loved. “Y-you can, I promise you.” he took a shaky breath, his tone hardening. “Do you remember what I did to you when you wrecked my control room? Two weeks before we left the First Order..”

Kylo let out a strangled laugh at the memory Hux knew he was having. “You tied me up for three days and refused to let me come,” the amusement in his shaky voice was bittersweet.

Hux laughed quietly as well, gripping the com device harder in his hands. “You begged me then; told me you couldn't make it three days. But you did, Ren. You were so good for me.. you'll be good for me now.” He heard the sob through the static and shook his head pointlessly, “Listen to me. You're going to meditate. You--don’t you dare come to my execution. You're going to meditate for 3 days and after those three days you're going to  _ grieve _ .” His own voice caught up in another sob and he let it out angrily, squeezing his eyes shut. “Then...then you are going to kill Snoke. Bring balance to this world and you will never,  _ ever _ , lose someone you love again. You have to promise me that, Kylo.”

All that came through the device were quiet sobs. 

“Ben,  _ promise me _ .” Hux’s voice was laced with desperation now. He needed this, he realized. He needed to know that Kylo was going to be okay, that he was going to be strong and keep going long after Hux was gone. 

“Please,” Kylo begged, sounding utterly pathetic. 

“Promise.”

“I, Kylo Ren, give my word as a.. force user.”

“Thank you,” Hux exhaled shakily. 

“What am I, Hux?” He sounded so much like a lost boy to the ex-general. “Am I a Jedi now? How do I.. how can I be that?”

“You're not a Jedi.” Hux laughed humorlessly. “You're not a Sith. You're Kylo Ren, Ben Solo--you are yourself. Why do you need a label?” He felt his voice growing more stable as he focused on something besides his imminent death. 

“I just don't...I don't know where I will fit. I fit with  _ you _ .”

“Please don't.” And they were making so much progress on the topic change… “You fit with the Force. You'll.. you'll find a balance within yourself. You'll persevere.”

They sat in silence for a few long minutes and Hux began to wonder if Kylo had fallen asleep, though he knew better than to think his insomniac, erratic lover would actually sleep in a situation like this. The breathing on the other end began to hitch again, indicating the Knight was fighting off tears once more. 

“Hux..will you tell me a story? They always… always calmed me before.”

Hux smiled to himself, remembering how unstable Kylo had been after killing his father--the way he completely shut down, and how the only way to bring him back to reality was through pointless stories meant only to create an anchor from his voice. They'd started this mess of emotions and betrayal from that, plotting and falling in love until one day they fled--from Snoke, from responsibilities that no longer sat well with them. They fled to the Resistance but they didn't know  _ why _ . A month after losing Han Solo, Leia was willing to accept her son's change in heart, but she couldn't let the wicked General live. After he gave up every secret, even after he voluntarily drew them  _ maps _ , he knew she'd kill him. He'd known all along. But Ben was safe from Snoke and he'd learn to forgive himself here. So Hux began to talk, rambling about officer school, the few happy years of his life, and the mischief he'd gotten into with his friends. He kept talking until the breathing was punctuated with gentle snores and he knew Kylo was well asleep at last. 

He closed his own eyes and pictured the peaceful face the ex-sith always wore when he slept. It was one night like that, when Hux talked him into slumber and watched the gentleness of sleep envelope the man, when he had realized he loved him. Knew that he had to break them out of their prisons and teach him that he could be Ben and Kylo, that the tear inside of him was his greatest strength and set him apart from any other force-user. That he could wield emotions like a sith and grant peace like a Jedi. The ginger man took a deep breath and sighed into the com. “I love you, Ben Solo. You're going to be so happy. You'll find a lover who you can build a life with--someone pure. And..and you'll have little ones to raise. I hope you forget me, that you find yourself so happy that my memory fades away. Trust your mother and listen to your uncle. Fuck--” he wiped at his eyes angrily and took a few breaths to try and calm down. “Just, I love you.” He turned off the com then and let himself truly sob, knowing he was safe to in the soundproof holding cell and not granting himself the comfort of Ben's breathing. He stayed curled around the com though, letting the tears fall until he fell asleep, the last sleep he'd ever have.


	2. No Friend to Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Be advised this is probably triggering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: almost rape

“Rise n shine!!” A mocking voice jolted Hux awake and he rolled over to look at the door, seeing a woman and two men entering his room carrying chains and a tripod with a video device on it. 

“What--”

“Your execution is delayed a day!” the woman informed him in the same mocking tone she woke him with. “The Gen’s brother showed up with that useless girl. They're having a meeting so she can't be present to watch you wriggle at the end of a rope today!”

He sat up, even more confused and watched the men set up the camera as she walked over and grabbed him by his arm, yanking him off the cot. “Then what are you doing,” he bit out, pulling his arm out of her grip. 

“Todd, Jeric and I are going to have some fun with you. Off the books. Make a cute little video to send to all the families of the people you killed.” She laughed. “But first we'll send it to your boyfriend. Hopefully he'll kill some people and then get his disgusting self executed as well.” 

Hux’s blood ran cold. He knew he deserved this, but Kylo...he'd get swallowed by the dark side. “N-no.”

“It doesn't matter if you say no, baby, that's what rape is all about.” She sneered, and bent over to pull him to his feet, leaving the gun on her hip wide open, so he snatched it from the holster as he stood, shoving her back. Quick and precise as he was trained to be, he aimed and shot, hearing the beautiful sound of glass shattering and sparks as he hit the camera directly.

“Fuck!” he felt the woman’s fist hit the back of his neck and he fell to his knees as she took the gun back. “What do you think you're doing?”

“You can do what you want to me,” he groaned. “But leave Ben alone.”

She just kicked him repeatedly in the stomach with her boots and he cried out, feeling his ribs snapping. 

“Just the lense is broken, Tanya.” one of the men reported, hitting record. “We can use the audio still.”

“No!” Hux roared, grabbing Tanya's leg and jerking her off balance but before he could do anything he felt the crack of the chains whip into his back. The pain was so sudden and intense all he could do was gasp wordlessly.

Then they were on him, chaining him by his arms to the cot and he found his voice again. “Please don't,” he whimpered. “Please don't let him hear th-this.”

“Shut the fuck up,” the man he guessed might be Todd backhanded him. “You don't get to make demands, you pig. He deserves to hang just as much as you.”

Hux stuttered out a breath and shook his head. “You d-don't understand..” but suddenly Tanya was there with a knife digging the tip into his cheek. 

“Keep talking and I'll cut your tongue out.” he shut his mouth, realizing nothing he said would stop them and closed his eyes at the sound of belts jingling, a flare of panic in his chest that he remembered well from his childhood. “Good boy.”

She laughed and he felt rough hands tear the fabric of his pants away, not able to stop the panicked whimper escaping his throat. 

“I'd say bite the pillow,” she mocked, “but you don't even get one.” Then just as he felt a hard dick pressing to his entrance, there was a noise at the door. 

“What is going on here?”

He nearly sobbed at the sound of the General's stern voice from the doorway and suddenly the weight on his was gone and he heard the three assailants struggling in anger as they were being restrained. He opened his eyes to see them being held down by Poe, Finn, and another man he didn't know. In the doorway was Leia, who walked over to Tanya and pulled a pair of keys from her hands, made her way to Hux and undid his cuffs on his hands. He didn't realize he was shaking as he sat up painfully and pulled the thin cell blanket over his lap.

“General,” he acknowledged, trying desperately to quell the tremor in his voice. He couldn't look at her, instead looking at the tripod and camera. “Pl-please destroy that. They wanted Ben to have it.”

She made a sound of anger, using the force to shatter the device where it stood. “He will no doubt still be enraged when the learns of this.”

“Don't tell him,” Hux’s voice was barely a whisper. “He doesn't need any more rage.”

“Hux..” she sat beside him on the cot and gripped his chin, tilting his head to face her. He could only meet her eyes for a moment before he closed them. “I'm sure you heard the execution is delayed.”

He took a deep breath, “Unfortunately.”

She was silent a moment and he could hear the three would-be rapists being dragged from the room and then the door was shut, leaving him alone with Kylo’s mother. “I listened in on you and Ben last night.”

That got him to snap his eyes open, meeting her gaze angrily. “What, why--”

“I needed to know.” She assessed him with a guarded expression and then dropped her hand from his chin. “You two really do love each other.” He huffed a weak laugh at her surprised voice. 

“Pathetic, right?”

“You must have known I'd execute you if you came here.” 

“I was counting on it.”

“Why?”

He shifted uncomfortably, looking away and  touching a hand to the cut on his cheek, feeling it had already scabbed over. “He needs his mother. He.. look, General, I am not exactly a good match for your son. He was raised to be good and I was not.” He tried to bring his usual coldness into his tone, but only succeeded in sounding even more shaken. 

“I do not agree.”

Hux met her gaze warily. “What?”

“No one else brought him this close to the light, Hux. It was you who saved him.”

He waved a hand. “It was killing his father that saved him, Organa.”

She balked subtly, shaking her head with a small smile. “It definitely pushed him into you.” She grew quiet and then stood. “Can you walk? You need to see a medic.”

Hux slowly swung his legs over the side of the bed. He saw his pants torn up on the floor and sighed. He stood slowly and wrapped the blanket around his waist with a wince, feeling a stab of fiery pain from his ribs and a small sting from his wrists where he noticed he'd rubbed them raw. “I should be able to--”

He was cut off as his door once again swung open, this time revealing an enraged Kylo Ren, his hands clenching and unclenching in a way that made it clear he missed his lightsaber. “Where are they?” He bit out, striding up to his mother menacingly.

“Finn and Poe have them in holdi--”

“They're not  _ dead _ yet? I suppose they wouldn't be. The Resistance would execute a First Order general but not a lot of rapists.” 

_ Oh great,  _ Hux thought wearily,  _ he's going into a full tantrum _ . The ginger noticed a nervous Rey in the doorway, her cheek beginning to darken in a bruise that no doubt came from Kylo’s fist.  _ Really? _ “Ben,” he snapped, exasperated, observing the way Kylo froze, turning his angry gaze to him. “I truly appreciate the ostentatious display of outrage, but can it wait until I've seen a medic perhaps?” He swayed on his feet, wishing he did so voluntarily. 

Kylo's entire demeanor changed from furious to sheepish and he moved slowly to Hux's side. “Of course.” He then swept Hux into his arms like a bride, somehow managing to do so without severely aggravating the ex-general’s ribs.

If Hux were a more honest man, he'd definitely admit that he buried his face against Ren’s chest. He'd also own up to the shaky exhale as he finally relaxed that turned into a whimper. But former General Hux is not an honest man, therefore that, naturally, is not what happened. 


	3. Here, Into My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cute injured scenes. Serious chit chat. 
> 
> Title from Stay Forever by Panama

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am posting this unbeta'd so I'm sorry beforehand. I have the next few chapters outlined and they will be up ASAP! Thank you for the lovely feedback. Ideas and commentary is always welcome.

It was soft voices that woke Hux up, he was unused to sleeping where he could hear others nearby. Someone dropped a tray and his eyes snapped open to see he was in an area sectioned off by curtains, and he was on a bed that was not comfortable in the least, his torso propped up by several pillows which made him wonder at the fact that he ever fell asleep.

He exhaled lightly, not wanting to jostle his now-bandaged ribs, and turned his head to the side, seeing that he was not alone. In the chair beside him, Kylo sat, his head tucked to his chest as he dozed, albeit unpleasantly. Hux watched him for a moment and then sighed.

“Kylo..?” the Knight flinched, opening his eyes and unkinking his neck to look at Hux.

“You’re awake.” 

“Yeah.” 

They stared at each other for a few moments before Kylo scooted his chair closer, slipping his hand on top of one of Hux’s and lacing their fingers together.

“You know..if you ever call me Ben in front of them again, I will be forced to tell them how much you love being called Bill.”

Hux scoffed softly, closing his eyes and shaking his head. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Try me.”

They fell into silence again and Hux listened to Ren’s breathing, marveling in how much the simple sound meant to him--a sound he was sure he’d never hear again. He sighed once more, cracking his eyes open.

“Ren,” he started before trailing off and looking at their hands, watching them lay intertwined on the blanket. “Will you kiss me?” His voice was quiet, suddenly feeling like he was asking for something he didn’t deserve.

Silently, Kylo stood and took his hand away, instead using it to gently cup the ginger man’s face, his fingers brushing over the scab from the knife. He bent down, bringing their lips together in a gentle, chaste kiss. Hux savored the soft feel of his lover’s lips against his own, running his tongue along them lightly until Ren relented and began to deepen the kiss. The ex-general brought his own hand up to slip into Kylo’s hair, tugging on his bottom lip with his teeth. Kylo pulled away with a small chuckle, brushing his thumb along Hux’s cheekbone. 

“Woah there,” he grinned, not too far away so that their breath still mingled. He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against Hux’s. “You’re too hurt to be pulling that.”

“Ren..how did you find out about what they did in the cell?” He felt Kylo stiffen and so he ran his hair soothingly through the black locks. “You did want me to kill the mood,” he half-joked weakly.

“Rey told me.”

“You punched her.” 

“She came and got me while it was happening because she  _ heard _ you through the Force.” He sighed, pulling back so he could meet Hux’s eyes with a stern look. “Why didn’t you call out to me?”

“I wasn’t trying to call out to anyone,” Hux snapped defensively. “I just didn’t want you to find out. I must have..I must have been more panicked than I realized.”

“So you were just going to  _ let _ them rape you?”

Hux flinched, dropping his hand from Kylo’s hair. “I couldn’t stop them.”

“You could have  _ called me _ .”

“You would have killed them, Kylo.” He met the accusing gaze defiantly. “I’m to be executed anyway. What does it even matter if I get hurt beforehand? But they wanted to hurt  _ you _ . They wanted to drive you to more murder so that they could justify you sharing my fate.” He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as he felt himself beginning to tremble once more. “I need you to be  _ okay _ ..I just need you safe.”

“Hux..” Two hands now framed his face but he refused to look again.

Just then there was the sound of a throat being cleared and Kylo sighed. Hux peeked around him to see Leia and Rey standing by an opening in the curtains.

“Good morning, General. Or evening.” Hux was grateful that his voice no longer shook, though its strength belied his exhaustion. Kylo slowly straightened up, pulling his hands away from Hux’s face last, dragging his fingers across his skin before turning to face the two intruders.

“I’m glad to see you are awake, Hux.” Leia responded with ease, though her attention was clearly focused on the interaction she just witnessed between him and her son. Her eyes bounced between Hux’s amused expression and Kylo’s closed off one. “How are you?” She moved into the room,  going to stand beside his bed on the side her son was not on. Hux glanced up at him and saw he was staring at Rey who was staring back--both with identical blank expressions.

“I’ve had worse, truly,” he replied nonchalantly, but couldn’t hold back the flinch when she touched his hand.

“I see.”

“I apologize for your face,” they both froze and looked over at Kylo who was talking to Rey. 

The girl smirked slightly at him, “I’m not sorry for yours.”

Hux and Leia both unconsciously held their breath and watched as the force-users stared each other down for a few minutes before Kylo’s blank expression broke into a small smile.

“I don’t blame you.”

“It gave him a reason to wear his ridiculous mask,” Hux quipped, getting himself a pinch on the arm from his lover. He sobered up and turned to face the general once more. “Why was my execution delayed?”

The woman sighed, her face suddenly showing her stress and indecision. She ran a hand over it and gave him a frustrated look. “I’ve been conversing with my brother. We...listened--”

Hux cleared his throat and gave her a ‘ _ Don’t _ ’ look, not wanting Kylo to react poorly to having their emotional com conversation known of by his mother and uncle. Glancing over he saw Kylo was still having a strange staring contest with Rey. He had a vein bulging in his temple so it was probably some sort of Force game between them.

“Luke wants to meet with you,” she continued after a pause. “Both of you.”

“That’s not happening,” Kylo said, clearly done playing with Rey enough to eavesdrop on them, and Hux watched Leia’s face harden as she locked eyes with him.

“Ben,” she took a deep breath and then looked at Hux. “Maybe you can reason with him.”

Hux could practically taste the anger that spilled from Kylo, he didn’t even have to look at him. “I can hardly force him to do anything.”

A muscle ticked in her jaw that reminded him so much of her son. “You don’t have to meet with Luke right away.”

“I do not wish to  _ see him _ .” Kylo growled in frustration, moving as though to leave the area.

“Please stay,” Hux said quickly, not even thinking as the words slipped out, feeling an unfamiliar sense of panic at the prospect of his absence. 

He watched Kylo stop in the entrance of the curtains, where Leia and Rey had entered, the girl having moved away from it at his approach. He visibly heaved a deep breath, standing still for a moment before returning to his chair, not meeting anyone’s eyes as he sat, resting his elbows on his knees, his face in his hands. 

Hux turned to meet Leia’s gaze, trying not to be annoyed at the surprise there as she observed the exchange. “With utmost respect, General, could we have this conversation at a later time?”

She smiled, respecting his wisdom in this suggestion with a small nod. “I will return around dinnertime.”

“Thank you.” he let the exhaustion he felt show on his face at last. He didn’t look away from where the General was standing as she moved towards the exit, a tendril of anxiety creeping through him at the prospect of meeting the Luke his organization was determined to destroy.

“Kylo,” Rey’s voice was soft and unexpected, and Hux whipped his head around to see her staring at the tense man. The General was waiting for her just through the entrance. “Think about it?” She slipped out and they walked away quietly.

After a moment, Kylo lifted his head, his eyes haunted as they met Hux’s. “Hux,” his voice shook slightly, though with fear or barely contained rage, Hux wasn’t quite sure. 

With a grunt of pain he leaned over and snatched up one of his hands. “You can tell me.”

The black-haired man scooted a bit closer so that Hux didn’t have to lean, bringing up his other hand to hold Hux’s, pressing the ginger man’s fingers to his lips. “I can’t face him,” his voice was small and he seemed particularly interested in studying the hand he held.

“You can’t? Not even if I’m there? We faced Snoke together many times. Is Luke much worse?”

“Yes,” he breathed, swallowing thickly. “See, I… I killed everyone. Everyone he was training. My father, I..” he closed his eyes, shaking his head. “We never should have come here, Hux.”

“A few Jedi may seem like a horrible act to you, Ben. But I murdered the  _ entire  _ Republic. I don’t mean to make this into a pissing contest… but who do you think he’ll really hate more in this? His corrupted nephew or his nephew’s mass-murdering consort?”

Kylo scoffed softly. “It’s not his ire I fear.”

“ _ Oh _ .” Hux fell silent, feeling stupid for not realizing. “You fear his forgiveness.”

“I don’t deserve it.”

“Don't you?” he breathed, waiting for the tortured brown eyes to meet his gaze. “You deserve his forgiveness as much as his ire.. If he's willing to offer either you should take it. If he's half the man Snoke feared him to be, he can help you to forgive  _ yourself. _ ” 

The ex-sith let out a slow breath, searching his eyes for something Hux hoped he'd find, before nodding slowly. “Very well.” Then he climbed onto the bed, murmuring an apology when he jostled Hux's injuries. He lay curled with his head on Hux's belly, his feet dangling a bit off the bed. 

“Ren,” Hux chuckled, “is that even comfy?”

“You almost died today. Your light, your presence..your warmth. I was so close to losing it all.” 

“Oh,” Hux gasped, hearing the voice crack of the once deadly Knight of Ren who now trembled beneath his fingers. He ran his fingers through the long black hair gently and Kylo never made a move to face him, as though he found this easier to say looking away. 

“I need you so much that it is.. terrifying. Forbidden. Dangerous. You say you...that  _ you _ need  _ me _ safe,” he laughed humourlessly, “but it's  _ I _ who needs  _ you _ safe, William.”

“I'm sorry,” Hux whispered. He was sorry for so many things, but he resisted elaborating in fear he would never stop. 

“Me, too,” Kylo whispered back, likely thinking the same thing. 

They dozed off like this, finding much needed rest in contact with each other. Hux found himself drift awake what he assumed to at least be a couple hours later, to a presence in the room. He glanced over at Kylo's chair to see Leia sitting in it watching them sleep with a sad air about her. 

She didn't acknowledge his awareness directly, staring at her son while speaking quietly, “Does he always cry in his sleep?” 

Hux unconsciously continued to slide his fingers soothingly along Kylo's scalp and through his hair. “Yes,” he mimicked her quiet tone. “Sometimes...it's worse.”

She made a soft strangled sound in the back of her throat. “It's all my fault. All of this, I..”

“No,” he hoped Kylo would not stir. “It was the Supreme Leader, Leia. He is..unlike anything. Seductive, manipulative, demanding..  There is likely no way you could have saved him.” She met his eyes then, and they were wet with tears. He couldn't help his involuntary, sharp intake of breath. “He certainly gets his melancholy eyes from you, General.”

She huffed a laugh, smiling slightly. “Does he now?”

Hux smiled back. “He said yes to meeting Luke.”

She sighed with relief. “Thank you.”  then she stood up, heading towards the door. “Rest some more. I'll keep organizing things.”

“Very well.” His eyes were already drifting shut and he was asleep before she even walked away.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We get to see some of Luke soon! And Kylo perspective! 
> 
> I'm trying to do this justice, and to not ignore how psychologically damaged they both are. Please bear with me.


	4. Runaway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut & a panic attack. 
> 
> Chapter title from Runaway by City & Colour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My lovely betas checked this over and said it was good, but I've been staring at this chapter so long I've begun to hate it. I hope it pleases you guys. 
> 
> Please leave feedback or love. Or hate. Please.

Kylo Ren woke up early in the morning, stirring and slipping from the medic bed carefully as to not wake his sleeping ex-general. He stared down at the man's face, clenching his fists at the wave of anger he felt towards the circumstances that led to Hux's injuries, and for the three directly responsible for them. He took a deep breath and released it slowly, consciously blocking off his mind from the swell of emotions. He had to be more careful with them here, or Snoke would instantly find him and invade his thoughts once more. Deciding he could use a break, he straightened his loose pants and shirt,smoothing out the wrinkles in the tan fabric as best he could before he slipped from the curtained area, noticing four others like it, but unoccupied. There was a Resistance fighter casually holding a blaster by the entrance to the hall and he acknowledged Ren with a polite nod as the ex-sith walked by him. 

He wasn't sure where he should go, so he left his feet carry him, drifting into his thoughts. How was he possibly going to get himself and Hux out of this situation? Coming to his mother was likely a dire mistake, but it could also mean redemption for them both.  _ Especially if Luke… _ he shuddered, unable to quell the nauseous pull of anxiety at the thought of facing his old master. What could he even say to him? 

Kylo’s train of thought halted as he found himself before an entrance to a training area. Inside he could see Rey, and the annoyingly strong force-wielder was practicing with a live lightsaber. This one was not the one she'd used to fight him, he assumed Luke must have reclaimed the device, instead she was using a less stable saber, intended for practicing purposes. He leaned in the doorway and watched her twirling with an innate grace, frowning as she cursed at every stumble and singe. She shouldn't be having this much trouble. 

He stepped into the room and saw her tense up, looking over at him and not lowering her saber. 

“Kylo,” she panted and finally straightened her stance, lowering the weapon. “What are you doing here?”

He studied her face for a moment before sweeping his gaze around the quaint area. “I'm not entirely sure. I went for a walk and this is where I wound up.” He let his eyes rest on her face once more, observing the faint distrust with a spike of amusement. “Your form is flawless. Why do you think you keep messing up?”

She hesitated, powering off her lightsaber and crossing her arms. “I don't need your help.”

Kylo smirked, waving at her singed clothing and small burns on her legs and feet. “Oh of course not.”

Her eyes narrowed and he saw her shoulders straighten in a prideful display meant to cover up her embarrassment. “I'm still not used to using one of these.”

“You used it just fine to fight me.”

“Well maybe you just  _ suck _ and that's why an untrained scavenger cut you up,” she huffed indignantly. “Besides, I learned to fight with a long staff, not this tiny little shiny thing.”

A muscle in his jaw twitched and he very quickly held out his hand, calling two of the extra sabers to him from the table across the room. He didn't miss her sharp intake of breath or her taking two steps back. “Come a bit closer and then turn your lightsaber on,” he half-ordered, raising his eyebrows at her. She studied his face, eyes dropping to the two unlit handles in his hands before uncrossing her arms, switching her saber on, and moving a bit closer. “Hold out the blade.” When she complied, he pressed the two bottoms of the handles to the energy very carefully, sighing at the familiar hiss. Once he heated the bottoms he quickly pressed them together and watched the metal cool, fusing them. “Now,” she shut off the saber, watching him with curiosity. “This won't be very stable, and it's certainly not a true double blade, but you may find your movements more fluid wielding it instead of the usual saber.” 

He held it out to her and she stared at it with undisguised interest before peeking up at him. “Okay, I'll try it.” She traded with him, taking a few steps back and lighting up both ends and moving through some drills. After a few minutes and only one instance of singeing, she grinned over at him. “This is  _ brilliant _ ! How'd you know?”

He shuffled uncomfortably. “I, uh, knew someone who preferred a double blade.” He closed his eyes, trying not to lose himself in the old grief of having slayed his contemporaries. Snoke would say to him that they deserved to be punished and that guilt was the wicked seduction of the Light, meant only to weaken him and keep him from his true power. He didn't know how to quell the guilt anymore; he didn't know what to believe. 

“Sorry,” Rey said with sickening sincerity, obviously having witnessed his temporary mental struggle.

“You shouldn't be. Don't you still hate me?” That was much easier than being pitied. He could handle invoking anger in the simple minded girl. Kylo powered on the lightsaber she had handed him, walking a half circle around her. “I did kill Han Solo.” He wouldn't flinch from that name. He would own what he had done. It's all he could do now. 

Rey’s jaw clenched and she backed away, keeping her front to him as he moved. “He was my friend, but he was  _ your _ father.”

“Unfortunately.”

He kept a smile from rising as she bristled, anger washing over her features. “You really don't care? Then why are you here?”

“Maybe this is an elaborate plan to lull my mother into a false sense of security so that I may finally slaughter the rest of my ties to the Light.” Perhaps he was taking this too far, but he couldn't stop, suddenly filled with a desperate need to fight, not even caring whether or not he’d lose. 

She swung her blade at him with a twirl and he deflected easily, feeling his muscles respond concise with memory. She followed it up with more attacks, each one getting stronger as her confidence with the weapon grew. After a particularly staggering swing, she hit him with a kick to his chest, shoving him backward with a grunt and she circled away, clearly fuming that she hadn't landed a single blow on him with her saber. 

Kylo straightened, twirling his blade in his hands. “I'm going to come at you. Look for openings around the my feet or shoulders. I won't be holding back.” He made sure to give her a dark look before lunging, moving so quickly she barely blocked him from slicing her arm off. 

“Shit,” she hissed, baring her teeth at him. “I don't  _ need _ your advice.” 

“Yes you do.” He shoved her away and attacked again, over and over. She kept blocking like a Jedi, but finally as he wore her down, she took the cheap shot at his legs as he approached, causing him to leap back, receiving just a burn on his shin. “Good job,” he laughed breathlessly, circling her with a slight limp now. “I understand that you have a master in Luke, Rey, but you won't be fighting other Jedi. You will be fighting people like  _ me _ and we do not fight fair.” He stopped circling and shut off his saber, amused to see she did not follow suit. “I can teach you all the dirty little tricks if you'd like.” He met her wary gaze with his own amused expression, feeling more alive than he had in weeks. 

She slowly lowered her make-shift double bladed lightsaber and stared at him, panting, before shutting it off. She nodded thoughtfully. “You can be particularly frightening, Kylo Ren.” 

He dropped the handle of the saber he was using and smirked at her. “So I've been told.” Then he waved a hand casually at her and left the training area. He was mildly disappointed that she didn't attack him as soon as he turned his back, but there was only so much you could expect from the Light side. 

 

***

After leaving Rey to her own devices, Kylo wandered back to the medic area, grateful to be arriving just as a nervous lad did carrying a tray of all kinds of foods for him and Hux. He took the tray from him silently and entered the room, seeing the Resistance guard was changed out and hearing low voices from Hux's bed. He sighed and walked over, pushing his way in to see his mother sitting in his chair talking to a Hux who now sat with his legs dangling over the edge to face her. He was in fresh clothes, loose fitting and tan like Kylo’s. Ren quietly set the tray on a side table, dragging it closer to the bed and settled himself cross legged on the bed beside Hux. He looked up to see them both staring at him and he realized he must look odd, sweaty from his duel with Rey and smelling faintly of burned skin. 

“Hungry?” he offered Hux a roll from the tray nonchalantly. 

“What have you been doing?” Hux took the food, studying him critically. 

Kylo shrugged, taking a bite out of his own roll. 

Leia cleared her throat, “Is that a lightsaber wound?” She motioned to his shin, where the tan fabric was wet with blood and black from burning.

Ren sighed, swallowing his mouthful. “I was just giving Rey some pointers.”

“ _ Pointers _ ? Like how to skewer someone's leg?” Hux snapped. 

Kylo felt the concern roll off the ginger, though he was hiding it behind anger. He softened his expression and reached out with his empty hand to brush the backs of his fingers across Hux’s cheek gently. “She barely hit me; I pushed her into it, really.”

“I don't find that surprising,” the other man deflated, sniffing indignantly before taking a bite from his roll. 

Kylo turned his attention back to his mother, feeling a twinge of nausea at her calculating expression as she watched the interaction. He was making himself too vulnerable over Hux, but he knew it was too late to take back the casual touches and evident connection. 

“I hear you agreed to meet with Luke.” she said conversationally. 

Kylo looked down at his roll, picking at the outside absently, no longer hungry. “Better to agree to it than have it thrust upon you,” he muttered. 

Hux made a noise and Kylo felt a finger poke his side. He met the man's gaze as he spoke. “Eat.” Kylo shook his head and Hux raised an eyebrow at him. “Please? At least just the roll.” The black-haired man reluctantly broke a bit off and stuck it in his mouth, hating how it suddenly tasted of cardboard. 

“The meeting will be soon. If you two would be willing to come to my chambers for it. More privacy, you see.” Leia continued after a moment. 

Kylo nodded silently in response, breaking off more bread. 

“Hux, you can leave the medical ward after that. I thought you'd probably want to stay with Ben, but if you want another room I--”

“He's staying with me,” Kylo cut her off, not looking up from his roll. 

“I'd rather not be alone, truly. Thank you, General.” He heard Hux say back to her with a small strain in his voice that revealed how nervous he was of being ambushed again, and it made Kylo's blood  _ boil _ .

He shoved the rest of the roll in his mouth, finishing it off quickly before climbing off the bed, crossing his arms and glancing between them. “Shall we get this over with?”

Leia rose to her feet, “I'll meet you two there. I trust you can find the way.” She gave Ren a look before striding out. 

“You seem on edge.”

Kylo shifted to stand in front of Hux, brushing a hand over the messy hair of his lover, moving to cup his face with both hands. “I am on edge.”

“Mm, I doubt there is ever a moment when you are not.” Hux grabbed onto Kylo's shirt, pulling the man closer so he was standing between his legs now. 

“There are moments,” Kylo murmured, dipping his head to brush his lips against Hux's. “Only with you.”

Hux captured his lips, his hold on the shirt tightening. Kylo returned the favour, swiping his tongue into Hux's mouth slowly, feeling a fire start in his belly. They hadn't been intimate for weeks, and those  _ scum _ had touched his lover's body. He suddenly wanted to kiss Hux everywhere, washing the trauma away with his touch. He kissed his way down to Hux's neck, biting down before suckling at it soothingly. 

“Kylo,” Hux gasped. “We don't have time.”

Kylo growled in annoyance, nuzzling his face in the crook of where Hux's neck met his shoulder, breathing in deeply. “And you're hurt,” he sighed against the skin. “We couldn't do much anyway.”

Hux pushed at his chest until Kylo lifted his head to look at the ginger who laughed with a wince. “I'm sure we could find something to do.” His blue eyes twinkled at Kylo, reminding him how much he adored staring at them. 

“After,” he agreed, stepping back and holding out a hand to Hux. The man took it, standing gingerly. 

“Which way do we go?” And just like that, he sobered up, if not for the faint bruise on his neck and his swollen lips, you'd never be able to tell he'd just been kissing Kylo Ren. 

The ex-sith dropped his hand, “This way,” he strode out of the curtained area and out past the guard, being sure to walk slowly so that Hux was forced to move at a pace that would cause his ribs the least discomfort. Kylo felt out his mother through the Force, navigating towards her glow through the twisting hallways. When the reached the curtain-covered entry to her chambers he stopped short, clenching his fists at the tremor of anxiety that moved through him. He felt Hux's hand on his back and stuttered out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He'd killed all his uncle's students, and even murdered his father, Han Solo, Luke's best friend and brother in law.  _ In what universe is this a good idea,  _ he wondered. Focusing on steadying his breathing around the gentle pressure of Hux's hand, he calmed himself. 

“Ready?” Hux whispered. 

Kylo nodded and then pushed inside. Hux followed soon after and Kylo heard him gasp as he saw Luke Skywalker for the first time. It had been years since Kylo had seen him last, and the older, bearded man that stood before him brought up a tide of nostalgia and guilt, just like he thought.  _ Oh, you feel guilt?  _ He knew Snoke would croon.  _ Who is this man to make you feel that way? Kill him. Take back the power he has over you, end his--  _

“Ben,” Luke spoke quietly, ending the imagined lecture in his mind. The raw emotion in his voice made Kylo inhale sharply, clenching his fists as he felt his hands begin to tremble, not caring as his nails split the skin on his palm. 

“Luke,” he acknowledged, glancing helplessly at his mother who was watching the exchange intently. She nodded at him. He flinched when he felt a tender tendril of Luke's mind, extended like a hand to him. He took a shaky breath, wrapping his arms around himself in a false hug as met Luke's searching gaze, reaching back at him through the Force. The brush of their minds sent a spark through him, shaking him to the core and he found himself leaning against the wall by the doorway. “It's been a while,” he managed weakly. 

“I hear you've been busy.” His eyes were kind, his mental tendril gentle, but his tone was as hard as ever, just like Kylo remembered from his youth. 

“And you've been hiding.” He focused on breathing, a nervous edge creeping into his words. He wasn't sure he was ready to let Luke in, something Jedi are meant to do with their masters, something he'd never done with Luke. He wondered if, if he had let Luke in before, would the man have been able to stop him from falling for Snoke and ruining  _ everything.  _ Luke’s breath hitched and Kylo pulled his mind back quickly, realizing he'd let Luke hear that, his eyes dropping away to stare at the floor. 

“Alright,” Hux moved protectively so he was standing a bit between the two of them, projecting his concern at Kylo again in the clueless, endearing way he always did. “What's the agenda for this meeting? Or are we just here to watch you two gasp in turn over Force exchanges?” Ren felt a surge of gratitude for the man as his words broke through the awkward tension, bringing Luke's focus away from his ex-padawan. 

“Ah, General Hux.”

“I'm not a general anymore.”

“It would seem that way.” 

Kylo looked back up, seeing Hux cross his arms, tilting his head in a bitchy stance he remembered from before they were intimate. “Why did you want to see us?” His tone was sharp and demanding. 

“To see if you had any more value before we blindly execute you.”

Kylo clenched his jaw, pushing away from the wall. He stilled his advance towards Luke when Hux grabbed his clenched fist, forcing it to relax into the ex-general’s touch. He heard Hux tut in disapproval, directed at Luke. He looked down to where their hands joined, taking a deep breath, searching for his calm as the gentle pressure of Hux's hand grounded him once more. 

“Cheap shot,” Hux scoffed.

Kylo calmed his breathing again, releasing Hux's hand and stepping back to the wall, suddenly feeling exhausted. He met Luke's gaze again and saw disbelief written all over his face. Hux glanced back at him with a tight lipped expression. 

“Luke wanted to evaluate the level of codependency that has developed between you two,” Leia said, finally breaking her own silence. Kylo let his eyes drift to her as she spoke. “He truly doubted you'd been able to break free, Ben... He had to witness how you managed.”

Kylo inclined his head. “Naturally.” He couldn't keep the fatigue out of his voice. Everything about coming to the Resistance had been draining. They should have found a distant planet with mountains and his away in caves for the rest of their lives. 

“Understandably, we cannot execute Hux without compromising your recovery. If we wish to end the tyranny of Snoke and the First Order we will need you both alive and well.” she continued, glancing over at Luke.

“I'm going to have to get a better assessment of you, Ben,” he said. “Will you concede to continuing your training under me?”

“If you think you can teach me anything,” he responded coldly. He was surprised at how much he truly hoped Luke had something to teach him. He'd never paid much mind to Jedi ways beforehand. 

“There is a great deal more for you to learn.” Luke smiled, his age abruptly apparent. “I noticed you assisted Rey earlier today.”

“Using a single bladed saber was stunting her flow.”

“She has been too shy to perform drills in front of me yet, so I hadn't noticed.” Luke quirked an eyebrow at him. “She is less shy around you.”

“That is because she loathes me.” 

“Is that all?” Hux interrupted, clearly done with this whole situation.

“Yes,” Leia said.

“Will you meet me in the morning?” Luke asked Kylo and the ex-sith sighed.

“Alright.” he agreed, pushing off the wall and grabbing Hux’s arm. “Good evening,” he threw over his shoulder, ushering Hux out of the room and then leading him down the hall.

Once they were clear of the vicinity of Leia’s room, Hux spoke, “That was incredibly uncomfortable.”

“You have no idea.” Kylo fell into place beside him as they moved around a corner, continuing towards his quarters.

“Did you feel a compulsion to murder him when you first saw him, or was that just me?”

Kylo huffed out a laugh, stopping in front of his door. “I felt it, too.”

“Good to know we both have some capacity to overcome our brainwashing.” Hux smiled at him before nodding at the door. “Is this it?”

The black-haired man nodded, opening the door and leading Hux inside. The room was bare except for a bed and a desk, which had a few more pairs of clothing stacked on it. There was a door by the desk which led into a small bathroom with a toilet and a shower. “Welcome home,” he announced sarcastically.

Hux looked around before bumping his shoulder into Kylo’s. “Anywhere you are is home.”

Ren sighed wearily, letting the door shut behind them and walking over to the bed, stripping out of his clothes and dropping them on the floor. He sat down and looked down at his shin disinterestedly. He didn’t look up as Hux walked over to the bathroom and came back a moment later with a wet cloth. The other man knelt down and pressed it softly to the wound, glancing up at the Knight, who grunted at the sharp sensation.

“You can be so careless.”

“She needs to understand that every battle is a fight to the death.”

“Why do you care?”

Kylo hesitated, a frown creasing his forehead. He ran a hand through his hair absently before leaning back on his hands, looking up at the dark ceiling. “I'm not sure,” he answered honestly. “When we fought in the snow I told her I could teach her. The urge to came over me and it's never truly gone away.”

“Perhaps,” the ginger man spoke carefully, patting the wound dry with one of the articles of clothing Ren had dropped, “you saw in her an opportunity for companionship.”

“You are my companion.”

“A different kind of companion.” Kylo felt lips press against his knee gently. “One who can understand the Force better and could be your comrade in the way Luke, or even I, never can.”

He sighed, giving up trying to find any patterns on the shadowed ceiling and looking down at Hux kneeing between his legs. “You're probably right.”

“I usually am,” the ex-general smirked. He ran the tips of his fingers along the inside of Kylo’s thigh. He bent his head down to slide his tongue after the trail of sensation his fingers left, nipping at him softly. 

Kylo took an uneven breath, feeling his cock stir to life as a rush of lust moved through him. “Hux..” he said, reaching out to tip the other man's face up by his chin, meeting his eyes. “We don't have to do anything.” He made sure his tone was as gentle as possible. He didn't want his lover to feel obligated, especially after what had happened so recently. Ren moved his hand to cup Hux's cheek, brushing his thumb along his cheekbone. 

Hux turned his face, pressing a kiss to the palm of Kylo's hand. “I know,” he said quietly. “I want to.” There was an edge of desperation to his words, such that he may as well have been begging. 

Kylo pushed up off the hand he was still propped up on, leaning down to pull Hux into a slow, hot kiss, loving the small sounds of arousal the other man made. He pulled away slightly, resting their foreheads together and mingling their breath. “I have something in mind,” he half-asked. 

Hux nodded, “We can do anything you want.”

The black-haired man smiled, hands moving to Hux's shoulders to push him away. “Would you strip? Lay on the bed.”

Hux raised an eyebrow at him, amusement poorly disguising a hint of nervousness. “Unused to issuing commands, Lord Ren?” he teased. 

“I don't want to command you,” Kylo replied seriously, running his hands down Hux's arms from his shoulders to take his hands.  _ I want you comfortable,  _ he thought, but didn't finish out loud. Instead he squeezed Hux's hands and let go, giving the man the opportunity to stand and begin to strip. He stood himself, watching as Hux's shirt fell away to reveal the bandages on his ribs, clenching his jaw tightly at the sight. Hux didn't move as though they hurt him anymore, but Kylo knew better than to always trust the ex-general’s body language when it came to pain expression. He bit his lip as Hux removed his pants, letting his eyes drag appreciatively over his red curls and half-hard member. When he met Hux's eyes again, the ginger had a faint blush on his cheeks that made Kylo smirk, resisting the urge to tease him but reminding himself to definitely do so later. 

Hux cleared his throat and moved to sit on the bed leaning back on his hands a bit as though he was uncomfortable with lying down. Kylo climbed on in front of him, moving forward so he was propped on his hands and knees before dipping his head to capture Hux's mouth. He nibbled on the other man's lower lip, sliding his tongue into his mouth, drawing out a soft moan, continuing until he felt gentle fingers touch his cheek. Kylo wrapped an arm gingerly around Hux's back, encouraging him to relax with the grip so that he could lay him down properly. Once Hux's head hit the pillow, Kylo deepened the kiss, sucking on the other’s tongue wetly before pulling away to kiss along his neck, re-aggravating the bruise from earlier, sucking it darker. Hux's hand slipped into his hair and he squirmed, gasping at the feel of Kylo dipping his tongue along the pale clavicle. Kylo leaned back, straddling the ex-general and taking the hand from his hair. He began to kiss from his inner elbow, moving his lips tenderly up to the raw wrist where he ran his tongue around the red skin and along the palm of his hand, taking his index finger into his mouth to suck on lightly, meeting the other man's eyes. He looked away from the raw wonder and dark lust he saw, placing the hand down and taking up the other to give it the same treatment. 

“Kylo,” Hux whispered, a small tremble reaching the hand Kylo was kissing. The ex-sith met his gaze again and reached down to brush a single tear from the face of his lover. 

He didn't otherwise respond, placing the second arm down and running his fingers along the bandages dipping his head to press a kiss to the material--a promise for the flesh underneath to receive the same treatment once it was better recovered. Then he scooted down, moving so he was now between Hux's bent legs, letting his fingers ghost over the man's belly until they reached his inner thigh. He placed a kiss there, leaving a trail down to the ginger curls where he buried his face, breathing in the scent of his lover for a moment before slipping his hands over the half-hard shaft. He looked up at Hux again, the man now propped up on his elbows, watching him with a twisted expression. 

“Is this okay?” he asked, giving Hux the chance to say no that the would-be rapists never did, and he watched the shaky exhale and small nod he got in response, returning his attention to the member. Kylo pumped the shaft into a true erection before dipping his head down and taking it into his mouth as deep as he could. 

“Oh,” Hux gasped, and Kylo felt him flop back against the bed with a whimper. 

He swirled his tongue along it slowly, pulling his head back to lap at the slit, causing the ginger to jerk in response. Kylo smiled and took him in again, pressing as deep as possible at this angle, humming around the length, his hand moving on what he couldn't fit. Hux’s hips reflexively thrust up, gagging him slightly, but the ex-sith closed his eyes, moaning. He felt hands grip his hair and he sucked harder, swallowing around the member. Hux's moans grew louder, his hand tightening to a fist in Kylo's hair  as he shuddered thrusting up roughly as he came, filling Kylo's mouth with his seed. 

Kylo swallowed best he could and sat up, wiping drool and cum from his chin with the back of his hand. He looked down at Hux who had his eyes closed, drying tear tracks glistening as he heaved in breath, hands pressing against his injured ribs as if that could alleviate the discomfort. He crept up and kissed his lover’s cheeks, licking up the salty residue of the tears, and then pulled back, moving to sit so his legs were over the edge of the bed and leaning over to pick up the damp hand towel from earlier, using it to clean the back of his hand. 

Suddenly arms were around his chest and Hux buried his face in the crook of his neck, nuzzling him. He adjusted behind the ex-sith so his legs were on either side of him. “Ben,” he said, voice hoarse with emotion. “Thank you.”

Kylo let out a breath, relaxing back into his chest, “There's no need to thank me.”

Hux made a noise of disapproval in his throat and then dropped a hand down to trail his fingers along Kylo's inner thigh, close to his weeping erection. “You didn't touch yourself?”

“I was distracted.” he breathed, watching the hand as it moved closer and shivering as Hux's fingers brushed up it. “William..” his breath hitched when the hand stilled, fingers returning to his thigh. 

“What do you want,” Hux muttered into his ear before pressing a kiss to his neck.

“Please, touch me.” Kylo begged roughly. 

“Like this?” Hux wrapped his hand around the length, brushing his thumb over the tip, spreading the pre-cum. 

“Y-yes,” he let his head drop back against Hux's shoulder. “Please, yes…”

Hux slid his hand up, twisting it around as he brought it back down and Kylo felt his grip slicken with the moisture weeping out. He gasped, turning his head to mouth at Hux's chin. The ex-general turned his face to kiss him slowly, the sensation a stark contrast to his pumping hand. Kylo moaned against his lips, bringing a hand up to touch Hux's neck, his other hand fisted around the cloth he still held. He shuddered, panting and scratching his nails down his lover's neck, toes curling as he came. Hux pumped him through his release, drawing out the kiss, swallowing all of Ren’s noises. 

Kylo broke the kiss, panting to catch his breath, still leaning heavily against the other man's chest. Hux took the cloth from his hand, using it to wipe up Kylo's belly and his own hand. Kylo sat forward, suddenly, muttering apologetically as he remembered Hux's injuries. 

“You didn't hurt me,” the ginger man soothed, dropping the rag to the floor and running his hand along Kylo's scarred back. He could barely remember a time when he didn't have scars, but he was always grateful for them when Hux would press his lips to them like he was doing now. “I could sleep for a year,” Hux muttered against his skin and Kylo hummed in agreement. 

He stood up, pulling Hux up with him. He tugged back the covers and climbed into the bed. Hux followed him and let Kylo wrap his arms around him, pressing his chest to the ex-general’s back. It didn't take long for them to drift off to sleep, soothed by each other's steady breathing. 

 

***

Kylo woke with a jolt, a sudden flare of panic going through him when he found his arms were empty. He sat up but relaxed when he could hear the shower running. With a yawn he climbed out of bed, walking sleepily into the bathroom and leaning on the door frame. He observed the neatly rolled bandage on the sink and moved his attention darkly to the form of his showering lover. 

Hux turned around, seeming to sense him, and stuck his head out from.behind the see-through curtain, steam slipping out with him. “Are you going to join me?”

Kylo hesitated and then walked over, climbing into the too-small shower. Hux smiled sleepily at him, rinsing the soap from his body. Kylo's eyes rested on the dark black and purple bruising over his ribs and reached out, tenderly brushing his fingers over them. Hux took his hand, which Kylo hadn't realized was trembling. 

“They'll heal,” he said quietly. 

Kylo nodded stiffly, not taking his eyes off of them until Hux invaded his space and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. 

“I'm done, so I'll go get dressed,” the ginger murmured, giving his hand a squeeze before slipping out of the shower, grabbing a towel. 

Kylo shook his head, quickly washing himself and shutting the water off. When he stepped out to get a towel, Hux had already re-wrapped his bandage on himself and was slipping on a tan shirt like what he wore yesterday. Kylo dried and dressed himself in fresh clothes, following Hux out into the main bedroom area after a few minutes. The man was sitting on the bed. 

“You're meeting Luke today,” he commented. 

“It would seem so.”

“I think I should go see General Organa. Maybe I can assist her with something.”

Kylo rolled his eyes, “I am sure she'll be thrilled to be told all her strategies are insufficient.”

Hux grinned, “I can't help it if I'm the best.”

The ex-sith huffed out a laugh. “I'll escort you to her before meeting Luke.”

Hux nodded and stood, and both of them left the room. They walked in silence side by side until they reached the command area where Leia was standing talking quietly with Poe. She looked up as they entered and smiled genuinely at them. The pilot did not, choosing instead to glower at them both. 

“Good morning!”

Kylo grunted in acknowledgement, motioning to Hux. “Can you find him something to do? Nothing dangerous.”

Hux elbowed him. “Shoo, I'll be fine here.”

Ren locked eyes with his mother, impressing on her with his expression that he was trusting her. She nodded, “Oh yes, I'm sure there's something boring around here for him.”

Kylo nodded stiffly in return, brushing his hand against Hux's quickly before turning exiting the room. He paused in the hallway, tilting his head and reaching out with the Force until he could locate Luke--he was in the training room--and then began to walk in that direction. 

“Ah,” Luke opened an eye when he walked into the room, standing up from his meditative pose. “You actually came.”

Kylo blinked at him, taken aback at the notion he had a choice not to come. He forgot what it was like to have a master who didn't demand things of him. “I'm here,” he shrugged. “Now what?”

“Hm,” his uncle studied his face critically, somehow making Ren feel like he was a ten year old child again being asked to throw a pebble. “I need to gauge what's been taught to you somehow. I understand you were close to completing your training as a sith, with slaying Han Solo being a key component in your absolute corruption.”

Kylo willed himself not to react, but still a flinch slipped past his control at the mention of his father. He cleared his throat, “That is correct.”

“Becoming a Jedi is complicated, Ben.” He ground his teeth, the name not sitting well with him still. “You seem to be having trouble reigning in your outbursts. I doubt I could ever convince you to adhere to strict emotional regulation, but perhaps I can aid you with mastering the worst of things.”

Kylo folded his arms across his body in an unconsciously defensive posture. “Very well.”

“I'd like you to enter into meditation so that I may join you in communion with the Force and observe how fractured your ties are.”

The black-haired man nodded warily before closing his eyes and grasping at the lull of the Force, allowing his mind to sink into it. Most Jedi sat for meditation, but Snoke had forced him to master holding his body in a stand while in the state. He felt himself become immersed, shying away from the constant shoving presence of Snoke’s will lurking in his mind, mocking him as it demanded to be let it, promising him that when he finally did call it to him he would regret how long it took him. 

_ Ben _ , he felt Luke’s mind nudge at his own and he blindly shoved it away for a moment before tentatively opening himself to his uncle. He felt the older man move in with gentle ease, slipping over his mind like a warm blanket. Just as he was beginning to relax into it, he felt Luke prodding at the mental gate that kept Snoke away. 

_ Don't touch that _ , he snapped, pulling him away. 

_ What is it? _ Luke sounded concerned, pushing against him trying to get at it again.  _ Ben, you have to tell me.  _

Kylo shrunk away,  _ Don't let him in, don't open it please don't open it.  _

_ Snoke.  _ The energy behind the gate roared as it was acknowledged, shoving at his mental blockade with fervor. 

_ No, _ Kylo hissed, shoving Luke from his mind. He pushed back at the darkness, subduing it for now and blinked into.corporeal awareness, falling to his knees and retching, nothing but bile coming from his empty stomach. 

“Ben,” he heard Luke walk over to him, crouching down beside him. “I need to--”

Kylo cut him off with a Force shove, pushing him violently away. He stumbled to his feet, trembling with terror and rage. He let out a wordless scream, dragging a lightsaber from the table to himself without so much as a thought and then he began to trash the room, swinging wildly, chest heaving as panic enveloped him. He was lost in the dark, unable to find his calm, when suddenly a hand found his arm and he stilled, breathing through a hoarse throat that made him realize he'd been screaming the whole time. The hand turned into a second hand and he felt the lightsaber shake from his grasp, falling powerlessly to the floor. He fell to his knees after it and felt arms wrap around him, a shoulder appearing for his head to rest on. He reached out blindly, gripping at the fabric of a shirt, letting out a low keen. 

“Shh,” he heard, finally making sense of the words being whispered in his ear. “Ben, come back, you're safe, you're okay. Please come back.” He shuddered, recognizing the scent of Hux as reality crashed into him he pulled back and turned away to retch again, heaving dryly. A soothing hand rubbed his back calmly. “There you go. Deep breaths, Ben, you can breath.” He listened, stuttering air back into his lungs. As he began to steady his breathing, he leant into Hux again, hiding his face against his neck. 

“I'm sorry,” he whispered pathetically. 

“It's okay. These things happen,” Hux soothed, petting his hair. “You didn't hurt anyone.” 

At those words, some tension leaked from his shoulders and he lifted his head, uncurling his stiff fingers so he could wipe at his mouth with his sleeve. He met Hux's eyes hesitantly, wincing at the bruise forming on his cheek, the knife wound that was there reopened. “I hurt  _ you _ .”

“Being elbowed is a risk I take when I interrupt your panic fits,” Hux admonished him, touching him with careful fingers as he wiped away tears Kylo hadn't realized he'd shed from his cheeks. 

“Is Luke..” he looked around to see Luke standing by the only unmarked wall in the room, his arms crossed as he watched them with a troubled expression. 

“You're not free,” his old master observed. 

“I'm sorry,” he gasped again, closing his eyes wearily. “I told you not to touch it.”

“You have to banish the darkness from you.”

“Do I?” he whispered. He kept the light locked away as well, child hands reaching towards him through the bars. “I'm not strong enough. It'll keep tearing me apart.”

“Ben..”

“Not Ben,” he coughed raggedly, rising to his feet, Hux standing with him, allowing him to use his lover for balance and support.

“Then who are you? Kylo Ren?” Luke pushed away from the wall, making a grand gesture of assessing all the damage. 

Kylo shook his head, taking his weight off of Hux, but taking his hand, threading their fingers together to center himself. “I don't know.”

Luke nodded slowly, eyes flicking between them, “Will you keep practicing the lightsaber with Rey for me?”

Kylo nodded meekly. 

“You should meditate more, Ben.” Luke uncrossed his arms, his metal one catching the light. “Hux won't be able to anchor you forever.”

Hux squeezed his hand tightly, and Ren squeezed back, wishing they could fuse into one being, so that he'd never have to fear his loss under the certainty of a shared fate. 

“I will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I've not actually read any Star Wars books. My brother has and he used to ramble on and on about them. I'm going out on a limb with how the Force works here and I hope it doesn't bother anyone too terribly.


	5. Static Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Named after Fresh Static Snow by Porter Robinson  
> Panic attacks tw  
> rape mention tw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is so late, guys. This chapter was so hard to write because I just want to write the last chapter and move onto part 2. I've so many plans for part 2!  
> I've posted this with minimal beta-ing so I apologize for any grammar errors. I write these on my phone as well as on my computer so sometimes my phone autocorrects to the wrong words! Feel free to let me know if you catch a horrifying error.
> 
> Next chapter you'll see some Chewbacca love and possible Phasma!

Hux splashed water on his face, letting out a long sigh. He was alone in Kylo’s room, the distraught man having taken himself off to some secluded corner to meditate. If he didn’t know how quickly he’d feel it if Kylo was distressed or having another breakdown, he’d be more worried about this arrangement. But after his fit yesterday, Kylo had hardly spoke, seeming to fall into a dark mood as he struggled with some sort of internal decision.

The ginger man dried his face and grabbed his 3 channel com device that Leia graciously gave him. It allowed him to contact her, Kylo, and Luke. So that even when he was alone he was not unable to seek out help should anything happen. He stared at the device for a moment. He could contact Leia and ask her to send him an escort so he could meet with her and continue their discussion on strategy from yesterday. Together they were coming close to formulating an effective plan to dismantle the First Order, which would get them closer to eradicating Snoke. Their main problem was man-power, something Hux wished to fix somehow. He knew of Resistance sympathizers within the First Order’s ranks, as well as few pockets of mercenaries who they could likely employ once they found more money. But he needed to get into contact with the sympathizers, which would not be easy, so he had yet to mention that angle to the General. He needed to plot in peace.

Instead of sending a message to her, he found himself pressing the button that would relay his signal to Luke, waiting nervously for a reply.

“Can I help you?” Hux jumped at the voice coming through the com as though he had expected not to even receive a response. Suddenly a twist of nervous energy writhed in his stomach and he immediately regretted this.  _ Tell him you pressed the wrong key _ , he advised himself.

“We need to talk,” he said instead, groaning internally. They did need to talk; mostly about Kylo. 

There was silence on the other end of the communication for a few beats and Hux found himself wondering if Luke simply chose to ignore his words altogether, but his hopes were dashed when the old Jedi sighed. “Alright. Why don’t you come here?” A sudden knowledge of how to find Luke’s chambers invaded Hux’s thoughts and he flinched unconsciously. 

“Oh sure,” he grumbled, annoyed. He switched the com off and left the room, slipping the device in a flimsy pocket on his tan pants.  _ We need better clothing _ , he griped to himself, his entire mood soured by the inexplicable discomfort he felt at the ease with which Luke could imprint an idea in his mind with the Force. When he got to the entrance to Luke’s chambers, he saw the entrance was obstructed only by a thin curtain that looked suspiciously like a bedsheet. He hesitated, hovering his hand nervously over the doorframe as he considered knocking.

“You can come in,” an amused voice called out to him and he groaned inwardly before slipping through the curtain. He looked around, taking in the warm aesthetic of lit candles, papers and scrolls spread out on every surface of the three tables in the room, even spilling over onto the two chairs. He stood awkwardly, suddenly feeling out of place and uncomfortable. 

Luke looked up from the article he was reading, a primitive pair of spectacles pitched on the bridge of his nose making him look even more aged than he already was. “You can have a seat, go ahead and move anything.”

Hux raised an eyebrow at him and then moved some stacks of paper from the nearest chair, carefully balancing them on the table beside it with a twinge of disgust. He himself always kept his papers and research impeccably neat, but then again he from what he knew of the Jedi, he had been raised on a farm, and it showed in his lack of instinct towards basic organization. “What are you researching?”

“Ways to help my nephew.” The man continued to read for a few seconds before sighing and putting the paper down, turning in his chair to properly face the ex-general. “Which is why you’re here, I assume.”

Hux studied his face carefully, wishing he had Kylo’s abilities for probably the millionth time since he’d met the man. “It is.” He fidgeted, “I’m not sure..”

“You feel I’m not being sympathetic enough.”

“In a way.” he sighed, “I don’t know much about the Force or how one goes about training a Jedi, but I do know about training soldiers. Particularly soldiers who have experienced extensive mental trauma.”

“Are you  _ actually _ criticizing my tactics?”

“Well whatever you did in the past never helped him. Have you altered your approach at all? Has it always been in your practices to trigger panicked fits in Ben?” His tone was getting snippier as he spoke, feeling the annoyance rolling off the Force-user. 

“The only reason he’s  _ having _ fits is because of you.” Luke was leaning forward in a vaguely threatening way, his eyes glinting with clear dislike.

“ _ Excuse  _ me?” Hux stood up in outrage. “I wasn’t even in the room when he started wrecking it!”

“That’s not what I mean,” Luke visibly took a deep breath, clearly calming himself and lowering his voice. “He can’t adhere to the Jedi code because he’s formed an attachment to  _ you _ . His dependance on you is both what has saved him and what will inevitably doom him all over again.”

Hux balked, his hands balling into fists as he heaved in a breath, seething. “It wasn’t my idea not to execute me.” he bared his teeth, “Can’t you just teach him to not love me?”

Luke laughed humorlessly, “That is much easier said than done.”

“Then it can be done.”

“With incredibly concentration and dedication to the cause, yes. But Ben never held the Jedi teachings in any sort of regard; that is what aided in his corruption.” Luke leaned back. “Relax, General. I’m looking into ways to work around this.”

“I’m not a general,” Hux grumbled for probably the third time in the past week, he was sure.

The other man didn’t act as though he heard him. “There have to be teachings somewhere. Once there were Jedi who could balance a nonconforming ideal within Jediism. They were grey in moral and character, falling on neither side of the Force. But all records of them have been destroyed, lost, or possibly hidden—all I’ve seen are rumours within the readings I’ve discovered or knowledge I have gleaned from meditation. I must admit that I never was exposed to long-term formal training, so I am scrambling to find ways to aid him here. The only being alive with enough knowledge to help him is  _ Snoke _ .” Luke stroked his beard in agitation. 

“Of course.” Hux slumped back into his chair. “We should never have left.”

Luke’s eyes narrowed. “You truly think he would have been better off?”

The ginger sighed, shaking his head. “Your Resistance is obviously doomed to fail, and he will never find the peace he deserves with you. However...he would not find it with the Supreme Leader either.”

The Jedi tilted his head, fitting Hux with a piercing look. “You came here and you have essentially turned traitor to the First Order, giving us an immense amount of information and even convincing Snoke’s disciple to defect, yet you hold the Order’s ideals as superior to those of the Resistance. Can we even trust you?”

“They are superior, though they are all I have ever known. The Order and your nephew are the two things that have ever mattered to me. You are more than welcome to verify that through whatever means you desire.”

“Am I?” his eyes glittered in a way that eerily reminded Hux of Kylo.

He felt a pressure on his mind, alien yet familiar. He flinched instinctively away from it and then forced himself to open up, letting out a stuttering breath at the at the sensation. As far as a mental interrogation could go, he supposed it was significantly less painful than anything Kylo had done to prisoners. He closed his eyes and felt himself being drawn into memories as Luke surveyed them casually.

\--

_ “Daddy, look!” the young boy held up his target, showing he had hit every mark.  _

_ “Excuse me?” _

_ “Oh,” Hux watched the miniature him deflate. “Sir.” _

_ “Very good.” the older man smiled at his son and Hux felt his heart constrict--that was the last time his father ever smiled at him again.  _

\--

_ Teen Hux lay in his bed, clutching a pillow to his chest, forcing emotions to stay down. A single tear slipped through and he ground his teeth in rage at the slip, shaking. He could hear his father laughing in the next room with his commanders. Specifically one commander who-- _

\--

_ A man came into the room. Teen Hux looked up from his papers, nodding in acknowledgement. “Can I help you?” This was one of his father's closest friends and commanders. He was basically his uncle.  _

_ “I hope so.” the man smiled and Hux remembered the slimy sensation of unease that crept down his spine as the man locked the door. No one heard his screams past the dirty sock shoved him his mouth and when he skipped dinner to curl up under his bed no one came to see why. _

\--

_ “I don’t care.” _

_ “What? But he--” _

_ “If you can’t learn to shut up about this then you have no place in command of  _ anyone _ , son.” He father didn’t even raise his voice or look away from his documents. Hux watched his teenage self’s fists ball up and then relax. He inclined his head to his father. “Understood.” And then, with enormous effort, he left the room without a sign of his limp.  _ Don’t care, _ he remembered telling himself. He told himself the same thing five years later when he shot the commander in the back of the head, and again five years from then when he did the same to his father. He didn’t have to feel what they had allowed to happen to him in order to become more powerful. _

\--

_ He stood before Snoke, not a tremble in his limbs, though he felt fear curdling in his heart.  _ This _ , he had thought, _ this is true power. Order. Belonging.  _ When Snoke asked him to continue to command the First Order in tandem with his own goals, Hux did not hesitate to agree. This was everything he wanted. Purpose. He’d be happy now. _

\--

_ Broken sparring dummy-bots littered the room and Hux saw himself hunched over, panting. This was a more recent memory. He had to stop sparring with partners because he couldn’t leave his allies with broken bones and bruises which would interfere with their ability to do their jobs. He looked up and met the eyes of Captain Phasma. She was no longer in her issued uniform, revealing a sight of short blonde hair and sympathetic blue eyes without a trace of mockery.  _

_ “You won’t get much benefit from broken dummy-bots, General.” she stated, dropping her rag and bottle of water on a chair by the door.  _

_ “I have trouble holding back.” Because training was the only time he could release every shred of rage and sorrow he kept so carefully locked away. _

_ “I can take it.” She moved forward and took a fighting stance, shooting him a grin. _

_ He couldn’t resist returning the grin before they began to spar.  _

_ She was right. She could take it. And their fragile friendship was born of raw, primal instincts. _

\--

_ Most recent, the small cell, the woman’s mocking voice, the feel of a foreign cock against him. He felt utter panic, knowing he couldn’t get away but mostly accepting his fate. But the device, the knowledge of Kylo’s rage, his desperation to save Kylo from it. There was no sock this time but he felt just as constricted, his mouth shut, a knife to his cheek, the irony of this being the time when someone would care but he desperately wished it was not the case,  _ No, no, no, no don’t let him know, don’t--

\--

Hux was ripped from his memories back to himself on the floor; he was dry-heaving on his hands and knees, having already retched up stomach acid, his whole body shuddering. He felt as though every blockade for every emotion or reaction had been pulled from his grasp, leaving him helpless to years of trauma and anguish. He could hear shouting and stuttered in a steadying breath and muttering to himself, “It’s okay, be present,  _ stop it _ ,” he slammed a fist into his own chest a couple times, trying to physically calm his heart as his mind began to return to reality. When his shaking refused to cease he let out a groan and the bit down on his arm hard, feeling his teeth break skin bluntly, a lance of pain going through him which granted him a sudden awareness of reality, his body seeming to reset and finally begin to calm. With the reality came a pair of hands and a soft tone that urged him to let go of his arm. Hux slowly began to open his eyes, loosening his jaw enough to allow the hands to pull it from his mouth. He blinked until the face of FN-2187, Finn, came into view. He was kneeling beside him, a hand now on his back, the other holding his injured arm. Hux groaned again.  _ Great. _ He definitely did not want anyone seeing him like this, let alone a former subordinate. 

“You back?” Finn asked, his tone much too gentle to be directed at his former General.

Hux nodded, sitting back on his heels, wiping at his mouth with his sleeve. He looked over and saw Kylo shouting at Luke in the entrance of the Jedi’s room, Leia standing with a hand on each of their chests as Luke replied quietly, but obviously in an infuriating manner.

“Cut it out,” Leia snapped when she had to put both hands on Kylo’s chest to stop the man launching at his former Master.

“Some  _ Jedi _ you are,” he spat in anger, “Or is it common Jedi practice to  _ tear into minds _ ?”

“I did no such thing,” Luke sounded exasperated, “I told you he gave me permission to look through his memories. I wasn’t aware of the effect it would have on his psyche.”

“Like  _ hell  _ you were--”

“Kylo,” Hux rasped, wondering if his throat was hoarse from heaving or if he had screamed.

The other man looked over at him, which only seemed to enrage him more and he raised his hand to do something no doubt bad with the Force.

“ _ Stop  _ it,” the ex-general snapped, watching Kylo flinch and lower his hand. “He didn’t know.” With great effort and (minimal) support from FN-2187, Hux got to his feet and absolutely did not lean on the other man before straightening out, looking down at his mess with distaste.

“He certainly should have.” Kylo snapped at him while glaring at Luke.

“Of course,” Hux grumbled hoarsely, letting out a cough. He felt disgusting and weak--his arm hurt in a way which made him grateful for the pain while simultaneously feeling pathetic. “I’d like to leave the room if the three of you would mind not blocking the doorway.” He wanted to shower and sleep.

Leia shot him a sympathetic look, ushering Luke further into the room while Kylo took a step out. Hux nodded at Finn before summoning the will not to stumble and walking out of the room into the hall. He was grateful Kylo didn’t touch him as he began to walk back towards their room. 

“This conversation isn’t over,” Kylo growled behind him at his mother and uncle before Hux could hear his slow footsteps trailing behind him. He felt the occasional tug on his mind when he went to walk the wrong way and felt even more grateful for the silent, distant assistance. Once they reached the room he walked inside and stood still, closing his eyes and taking deep breaths. He let the tremors return and leaned back against Kylo when he was suddenly behind him, arms wrapping around him. He exhaled deeply, bringing his hands up to grip at the arms, a thin noise escaping him.

“I...did not think that through,” he breathed quietly.

“No you did not,” he could still hear the anger in his lover’s words, but the arms around him never betrayed the trust he gave them.

“I’m sorry.”

Kylo sighed, tucking his head into crook of his neck, breathing against his skin. “We should clean you up.”

Hux nodded, sighing himself. He pulled himself away from the other man, taking his clothes off as he walked to the bathroom. He turned on the shower and climbed inside, eyes closed and gasping at the cold water, letting it fall from his face and head down his spine like icicles. He barely noticed Kylo following him in until a warm body pressed against him and he heard the shower nozzle being turned towards the heat. Once the water was no longer cold he turned around, blinking the moisture from his eyes and facing Kylo. The other man cupped his cheek with a hand still warmer than the water around them, staring into his eyes before bringing their lips together softly in a chaste touch.

Kylo pulled back and shook his head. “Why did you go see Luke?”

Hux huffed, annoyed because he did not want to say. “I was giving him advice.”

“On what?”

“Perhaps adjusting his methodology in dealing with his damaged nephew.”

“Hm,” Kylo dipped his head down, sliding his lips along Hux’s neck to his shoulder where he placed a small kiss. “Of course you would do that.”

“He didn't take it well. He doesn't trust me.”

“Is that why you let him hurt you?” The lips on his skin turned to teeth, scraping lightly before being replaced with a sweeping tongue. 

“Kylo..” Hux leaned his head to the side to grant him better access to his kiss at neck, feeling himself being back up against the wall. The kisses trailed to his collarbone where the sweeping tongue returned, drawing a soft sigh from the ex-general. 

“He didn't have the right,” Kylo murmured against his flesh. “He could have broken you.”

Hux felt a spike of annoyance go through him. “I'm not a toy, Kylo.”

“No.” the former sith lifted his head, locking eyes with him, steam from the warming shower gathering around them, his hand still cupping the ginger man’s face, thumb brushing Hux's cheek bone. “But you are precious.”

Hux turned his face into the hand, pressing his lips to the palm. He closed his eyes to the intense stare, Luke's warning ringing in his ears.  _ I don't want to be the reason I lose him _ , he thought desperately, flinching unconsciously from the thought. He was still jarred from reliving some of his worst memories, the reopened wounds evoking dread within him. 

A nuzzle to his cheek, and lips against his ears pulled him from the sorrow. “You shouldn't fear that,” Kylo whispered, pressing their bodies closer, resulting in a ripple of pleasure from the sudden friction. “You think so loudly.” The force-user gripped his chin gently, turning his face back to face him, and Hux opened his eyes to meet the searching gaze. “There are things I want which the Dark Side cannot grant me.”

“Like what,” Hux breathed. 

“A future,” a wry smile twisted those beautiful lips, and Hux licked his own, wanting to kiss the expression away, “with you.”

“I hardly think the Light Side makes that any more likely,” he muttered, biting his bottom lip, eyes darting from Kylo’s lips back to his eyes. 

“It doesn't,” he nodded. “It's a start. I don't...need a  _ side _ . I just need  _ us _ . If it's for five minutes or fifty years. This is my purpose.”

“I don't want to replace your dreams,” Hux responded, unable to help the flutter in his stomach at Kylo's declaration. He knew he felt the same way, but it terrified him how easily he'd allowed Kylo's well-being replace any previous aspirations. In a matter of months he'd somehow come to the point where he'd do anything, sacrifice anything, for this neurotic emotional wreck of a person pressed against him. Kylo made a small sound in the back of his throat, making it clear to Hux that he could follow his thoughts.  _ If I'm thinking too loudly _ , he pushed with his mind against the weight of Kylo's presence,  _ then kiss me.  _

The other man didn't hesitate, his lips capturing Hux's in a fervent, deep kiss that the ex-general felt vibrate through his being. He returned it just as desperately, slipping a hand into Kylo’s wet hair, his injured arm lying useless as his side. He gasped into his lover’s mouth as the other man rocked their hips together. 

“Hux,” Kylo rested their foreheads together as they caught their breath. He brushed his mind against Hux’s in the soothing way he sometimes did, but the pressure of his presence suddenly felt too much, a tremor of panic spiking through his chest. 

“W-wait,” he jerked his head away, knocking it into the wall behind him without really noticing, both hands on Kylo’s shoulders, pushing him away as he gasped for air. 

“Hux,” Kylo’s presence in his mind instantly retreated, sensing the cause of his lover's panic, though he didn't move far back physically, holding onto Hux’s arms to stabilize him. 

Hux flinched away from the stabilizing touch; he felt himself shaking as the images he just relived flashed through his mind. He grappled blindly for his wound, pressing his thumb into it, sinking to a crouch, trying to curl his body in on itself.  _ Get a hold of yourself,  _ he snapped impatiently in his mind. The pressure on his bite provided pain, which was an effective anchor during panic, but it only worked so well and only so many subsequent times. He was being drowned, the pounding pressure of the memories beating mercilessly against his back--or was that water?  _ That's water _ . 

“William!” 

Water couldn't talk, though. Hux gasped as he remembered where he was. He wasn't hiding in his closet waiting for that  _ man _ to find him again, scratching at his defiled skin. No, he was in a shower. With Ben. Hands pulled him up from his crouch and he blinked at Kylo in confusion before sagging against him, letting strong, safe arms wrap around him, burying his face in the crook of his neck to muffle sobs he didn't even realize he was letting out. He wasn't sure when their dynamic changed, but he felt a wave of exhaustion and a wish to fall into the mindlessness that being cared for allowed. He just wanted to feel safe. 

“Shh,” Kylo murmured, running his hands along his back. He kept whispering little words of comfort that Hux hardly heard, falling into the rhythm of Kylo’s voice until his panic subsided.

He pulled back, smiling weakly at him. “I won't do that every time,” he rasped. “I just...I just need to lock it away again.”

Kylo brought a hand up to brush his fingers on the man's cheek lightly. “I understand.” Hux knew he was angry still, mostly with Luke, but he could see his lover push it away to offer the comfort Hux needed--the realization sent a warm wave of gratitude through him. 

“Thank you,” he whispered. 

They finished their shower in silence, Kylo insisted on cleaning the bite wound with soap, the sting from that was welcome though Hux had to clench his jaw to keep from making a sound. Once they were done and dry, wearing new clothing, Kylo sat them both on the bed, intending to wrap the wound with some bandages he found under their sink. 

“Bites become infected easily,” he informed the ex-general with a hint of a chastising tone. “You need to tell me if it becomes inflamed beyond the bruising.”

Hux huffed in amusement at the care with which the ex-sith tended to it. “Dreams of becoming a medic?” he half-joked. 

“Once upon a time.” the absent reply startled him but before he could say anything there was a light knock on their door. “Come in,” Kylo called without turning his attention away from his wrapping. 

Hux lifted his eyebrows in surprise as Leia walked in, her lips a tight line of disapproval that could rival Kylo’s. 

“Ah, General Organa.”

“I’d hoped to have a word with you,” she nodded in greeting. 

Kylo finished his job and then stood, crossing his arms as he faced his mother. “I think he should be allowed to recuperate after what your brother did.” Hux inspected the bandage with increased interest, impressed at how perfect the job was. 

“I am not responsible for the foolis--”

“It’s fine.” He stood up, sensing how on edge both of them were and not wanting to be the cause of further strife. “I can talk.” Kylo shot him a sharp look and he shook his head. “I think you should meditate. You're on edge. I'll be fine with Organa.”

The ex-sith growled, passing a glare between the two of them before running a hand through his hair. “ _ Fine. _ But if  _ anything  _ happens, you call for me,” he snapped at Hux. 

A bit of realization for the anger his lover was feeling dawned on the ginger man. “I promise,” he said softly, touching Kylo's arm briefly before walking towards his mother. 

Leia was watching them with that strange expression she usually did--surprise and sorrow barely concealed in her features. “Walk with me to the command center.” 

Hux nodded and followed her out, glancing back at Kylo who wore a troubled expression, before closing the door. 

“What my brother did was unkind,” Leia said after a few moments of silence. “And unfair.”

“Hardly less than what I deserve, General,” he replied, carefully crossing his arms. 

“It's not his place to dole out unorthodox punishment in any case, Hux. It is not the way he is sworn to follow.”

“The ‘Light Side,’” he resisted the urge to use air quotes. “The longer I spend time with those who use the Force, the more clear it becomes to me that there is no true Light or Dark Side. There is only what lies in hearts of those who utilize the Force.”

“The purpose of the ideology is to guide the hearts in a pure way. To use power for good.” She sighed. “In any case, your talent towards strategy is eerie. We would be grateful if you could offer a consultation on a move before we make it.”

Hux snorted, “General, your strategies have been foiling mine for many years.”

“Not as of late, it would seem.”

He grew quiet for a moment, feeling the unfamiliar pang of guilt as he remembered what his weapon had done. “No,” he agreed softly, “I suppose not. I'll offer what assistance I can.”

That's how he wound up standing in a group of rebels giving them advice of how to storm a First Order stronghold. Their plan was to first and foremost get supplies, airships if possible. With the destruction of the Republic, the Rebellion was looked at to restore a semblance of freedom and order in the galaxy. That responsibility brought in numerous volunteers, all itching to get to fight the Order who had murdered their kin and allies. But the increase left them scrambling to train and equipt their units. They were running out of ships, and they were running out of time. 

“These three planets had First Order outposts.” He pointed out some lesser-known planets. “They'll be the least guarded. We should start with those to begin to build up our supplies, along with extending our territory.”

“ _ Our _ ?” Finn snapped at him, none of the previous sympathy on his face. He was in charge of training ground troops as best as possible, teaching them storm trooper weaknesses. “Why would we expand  _ the Rebellion  _ into First Order territory? They'd know exactly where we are.”

Poe nodded, looking more thoughtful than his angry lover. “There could be benefits to a more spread out group, but Finn is right. We'd be sitting ducks.”

“Then don't take the outposts,” Hux replied to Poe tersely. “If we do things right we could take over the outposts without the First Order ever being alerted. Between the shared knowledge of Finn and myself, we could successfully trick the check-in crews that nothing is out if the ordinary.” He raised his eyebrows at Finn. “I hear you're a marvelous liar. Shouldn't be too taxing.”

Finn's expression darkened and he turned his gaze to Leia. “You're not seriously considering this.”

Hux watched in amusement as Organa shrugged. “We do need the supplies and aircrafts. Poe's squad lost most of their ships attacking the Star Killer Base. Even if we had more pilots we'd have no ships for them. The risk is worth the reward.”

“You're  _ really  _ going to trust this  _ murderer _ \--”

“We don't have a  _ choice,  _ Finn!” Hux was surprised to see the General roused to anger. He saw a tremor in her hand and remembered her son had killed her husband. The added grief of losing her home world and all the Republic support...he was amazed she was even standing. She truly needed his help. His lip curled in instinctive disgust at the weakness, but he tamped it down with thoughts of how he’d be feeling if he lost Kylo in such a way. Hesitantly, the ex-general reached out a hand and touched her shoulder before turning to face the two men who had valid objections. 

“I cannot undo what my weapon has done,” he said quietly to them both, not missing the surprise in Poe's expression countered by the disgust in Finn's. “I came here with the intention of paying for my crimes with my life. If General Organa asks me for help salvaging this situation then I will do what I can to do so. I don't feel...regret so much for the destruction of the Hosnian system; you have to understand I wasn't taught to. But I do know how I'd feel if I lost my irreplaceable support in the midst of a desperate fight, coupled with the loss of the man I love. You are right to find me  _ abhorrent _ , and you are right to garner me little trust, but do not mistake me for anything but a war general when I say that this plan  _ will work _ .” He did so miss giving speeches. 

Finn silently crossed his arms, still regarding him with skepticism. It was Poe who spoke after a moment of silence. “It’s better than doing nothing.” He faced the ex-trooper. “I know you want to run, Finn. But there’s nowhere left to hide. This threat is becoming too imminent. We need to make our final stand.” Hux watched the disgruntled man bite his bottom lip, his face communicating his frustration and fear. He looked like a trapped animal in many ways.

“This is different than going back for Rey.”

“Yeah,” Poe reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. “This time we have more of a plan and less people. But we have to take a risk here, and I can’t go without knowing you’ve got my back.”

Hux lifted his eyebrows, watching their exchange with sense of surreal awareness. He remembered having a similar conversation with Kylo before they made the decision to defect together. Poe let his hand slide down from Finn’s shoulder until his hand gripped the other man’s upper arm and they stared at each other for a few moments before Finn deflated. 

“Okay,” he sighed, “The First Order could destroy every planet in the galaxy,” Finn turned his gaze to Hux, “I guess I’m in.”

Leia cleared her throat, drawing attention back to her. “I’m glad to hear you’re in, Finn,” she said with an ironic tone. “We were going through with this regardless.”

Hux scoffed, smiling slightly. “Well, that’s settled.”

“We will reconvene tomorrow,” she continued.

“General,” Poe nodded before pulling on Finn’s leading him away from them, the other silent people filtering away from the command station.

Leia turned to Hux who was surveying their plans carefully as an excuse not to look at her. “Hux.”

He sighed and met her gaze. “Yes?”

“Thank you,” she smiled at him, a small genuine smile. He blinked and looked away again. “I thought you should know we intend to send the three who assaulted you to Bakura-6.”

“What?” his eyes snapped back to her face instantly. “Bakura-6 has been abandoned for  _ years _ .”

“Well I can't officially execute them. And would-be rapists have no place in my Rebellion. I’d rather us fall to the First Order than fill our ranks with scum like them.” She had a glint in her eyes of promised violence that made Hux wish his childhood self had had an advocate like her. 

“Yet you'll keep us around?” he replied quietly. He didn't want to incur her wrath, but he found it incredibly unfair. He'd killed so many, and her son had slaughtered  _ children  _ in the name of the Dark Side. What are a few rapists next to them?

She sighed, seeming to age before his eyes, her years showing on her face. “I know Ben has good in him still. It's that goodness that you inspire, and that he brings out in you.”

Hux shook his head, “I am not good, General. Ben is. Your own brother prophesied that I would bring about his ruin. You're taking your time with my execution, as though you are slowly tearing plaster from a small child's wound. The sooner you get it over with the quicker the pain will ease.”

“It won't,” she was studying him with a mildly concerned expression. “It won't ever ease. You are both young, and what you understand of love and  _ loss _ is blessedly limited. If I can avoid doing to my son what he has done to me, I will give my life and my reputation to do so.” Leia wore a weak smile, the immense pain she was hiding showing for just a second. “He's my little boy, Hux. He's all I have left of Han and he's finally come home. Whatever love and protection doled out to him is yours by extension.”

Hux’s mouth felt dry and he took a step back from her. He felt his brain buzz as he tried to process the emotions her words invoked. He'd never known a mother's love, his own having simply never been present, and in the face of hers he felt exposed. “General,” he finally found words to speak, “I fear I am not worthy of the honour.”  _ I'm not even worthy of your son _ . He wanted to escape this situation, feeling overwhelmed and exhausted from the events of the day. 

Leia’s weak smile turned warm, a small chuckle escaping her upturned lips. “Your self-awareness makes me think otherwise. Come, I'll walk you back to your room. I know how tired you must be.”

He nodded stiffly, trailing after her in silence. He was processing her words the entire walk back, wondering how a being could be comprised of so much compassion and forgiveness. It made him particularly uncomfortable with how foreign the reality of her capacity for love was. She bid him goodnight at the door and walked away towards the direction of her brother's room and he stood before his door for a few moments before slipping inside. 

He'd been gone only a couple hours, and in his absence it appeared as though Kylo had given up meditation, because the man was in their bed, his back to the door. The room was already dim, so after giving himself a moment for his eyes to adjust, Hux quietly closed the door behind him and moved over to the bed. He gently climbed in, not bothering with the covers. From Kylo’s breathing he could tell the other man was awake. Not wanting to talk, though, Hux reached out for their mental connection, which Kylo had been keeping his distance after the ginger’s earlier freak out, and brushed his mind against the other man's, sending a feeling of affection before pulling back and closing his eyes. He heard Kylo sigh in contentment and his breathing slowly levelled out into the rhythmic pattern of sleep. 

Hux lay awake, however, which confounded him due to his exhaustion. But he kept thinking about the would-be rapists and their impending exile. As much as he loathed them, he couldn't help but admire their dedication to a twisted revenge.  _ Why should they be treated more harshly than myself?  _ The irrational unfairness bothered him, interrupting his attempts at sleep every time he closed his eyes.  _ I need to get a hold of Phasma as well,  _ he pondered, thinking of how their plans would go much better if he could get some up to date insider intel. Maybe pretend he was going to surrender Rebellion information as a prisoner while being filled in on the state of things back home. He wrinkled his nose,  _ If Leia or Kylo intercepted such a message they wouldn't understand my ploy _ . There was an option, however. He knew of a single man on this base, a man he had placed here as a spy.  _ Barret.  _

As quietly as he could, Hux sat up. He climbed off the bed and snuck over to the door, slipping out into the hallway. He looked around.  _ How am I going to possibly find him… _ Then he remembered on the way to the command room he had seen a rough map of the Rebel base which would tell him how to get to the mess area, which was a start. Careful not to be seen by anyone passing through, he made his way back to the map. He easily located the mess area, assuming it was the place marked ‘M’ on the sparse sheet. He began his journey there swiftly, reminding himself that he  _ was _ within his rights to head towards food. Both he and Kylo had terrible eating habits, and having thrown up once today he couldn't deny that he'd enjoy nourishment. 

He entered the mess area, surveying it quickly. There were roughly ten people sitting at tables and eating. With as much confidence as possible, Hux strode over to the buffet line, snatching up and apple and taking a bite. He stood by the food while he chewed, giving the room another once-over.

“You lost?” a man standing behind the counter asked him in a mostl friendly way. 

“I was hoping to find someone,” he muttered back. 

“Who? I know most people on this base.”

“Barret Trekner,” he replied, eyeing the man warily. It was clear he was in charge of serving some of the entrée meals, and Hux wasn't sure how much of a loudmouth he was. “Errand for the General.”

“Ah, Barret’s over there,” the man pointed out a man sitting alone near a rambunctious group of five pilots.

“Thank you,” Hux nodded at the man and grabbed another apple before walking over to where Barret was eating. 

The other man looked up when he sat, staring at him confusion and then nervous recognition as he glanced around. He went to get up but Hux grabbed his arm hard, forcing him to stay put. 

“Mr. Trekner,” he began, “Don't be rude.”

Barret sat perfectly still, looking at his ex-general with a hunted expression. “What do you want from me?”

“It is my understanding that you’re a spy I had placed here, yes?” Hux remembered the name of everyone he had ever sent on a secret mission, so he knew he was not wrong.

“Yes,” the man glanced around again. “Keep your voice down.”

“Are you still loyal to the Order?”

Barret hesitated, “I don’t know. Are you?”

“No.” Hux let go of his arm and sat back. “I do need a favour, however.”

“W-what?” he received a confused frown. “Why should I help you?”

“It’s only a matter of time before one of the five Force-sensitive individuals on this base discover who you are.” 

“You wouldn’t tell.”

“I wouldn’t have to tell. It only takes a suggestion.” Hux leaned forward again, a calculating smile twisting his lips. “Look, I need you to take a message to Captain Phasma. Keep up the facade that I am here against my will. Also, I need you to transfer three criminals far away from here. The fate dear General Organa has assigned them is one I find displeasing.”

Barret scoffed, “How exactly am I supposed to get out of here without causing a scene?”

“You’ve been here long enough to have an escape plan, I am sure.”

The other man nodded slowly. “What do I get out of this?”

“A chance to get away before your cover is truly blown. No matter where your allegiances lie now, you were placed here as a spy. Whatever bonds you may have formed will be used against you.” Hux took another bite from his apple.

“Okay,” Barret sighed, shifting in agitation. “What’s the point of me escaping back to Phasma?”

“I have plans in motion that require the attention of the First Order to be directed away from certain areas. If they are focused on some sort of extraction mission it will benefit the Rebellion.”

“So it’s need-to-know.”

“The less you know the better for you.”  _ Especially if Snoke gets ahold of him _ .

“Alright. I assume we’re doing this now?”

“If you’re up to it.”

They both stood, and Barret discarded his tray while Hux threw out his half-eaten fruit, following his spy out of the mess area. They walked in silence, sneaking as they grew closer to the holding cells. Barret stopped at a locker and got out two blasters, handing one to the ex-general and slipping the other in the waistband of his pants. Hux felt an involuntary shiver as they neared them, and he took a steadying breath. There were no guards--obviously three would-be rapists weren’t exactly considered ‘dangerous’ by Organa--and they easily broke the lock on the nearest cell. The Rebellion had few criminals, so it was the only one occupied by the three, and he peeked in to see Todd, Jeric, and Tanya on their respective cots, two of them having sat up from their no-doubt restless sleep by the commotion at the door.

Tanya laughed at the sight of him, “Come for revenge?”

“No,” he wrinkled his nose in distaste at the stench of the three of them. “I’m breaking you out.” he swung the door all the way open. 

“Jeric,” the man who was likely Todd shook the third man in the middle to rouse him.

“What?” Tanya stood slowly from her cot, her eyes locking on the blaster in his hand.

“Come  _ on _ ,” Barret snapped, coming into view. “If I’m going to get a ship to the First Order I will need to slip through the aerial surveillance rotation in the next 30 minutes.”

“We are  _ not _ going to your fucked up regime for protection,” Todd growled.

“You’re not,” Hux waved the gun, motioning for them to move. “Barret is going to drop you off somewhere better than where Organa planned to leave you.”

“Barret?” Jeric rubbed the sleep from his eyes, climbing to his feet and squinting at the other man. “You’re a spy?”

“Sorry, kid.” Barret grimaced.  

“Where were they gonna leave us,” Tanya asked quietly.

“Bakura-6.” Hux sighed, “Can we move or would you rather build igloos for the rest of your life?”

“Why would you help us?” Jeric asked incredulously. 

“I have a strong sense of fairness, and I am particularly stubborn. Why should you die on a deserted ice planet when Organa allows someone like myself to live?”

Tanya gave him a strange look before nodding at the others. “I’d rather die trying to escape than freezing on a planet.”

“Great,” Barret grumbled. “ _ Move _ .” 

Hux took the rear of the group as they were ushered through the halls, his heart beating rapidly as they were nearly caught twice. But soon they reached a back hallway leading into a natural cave. They arrived at a ship and Barret motioned for the others to climb in before facing Hux. 

“I hope this is worth it to you.”

“It is. I am in your debt, Barret. If you ever need to come back, I will vouch for you.” He handed the man his blaster.

“If I ever escape the First Order again I will hold you to that.”

They clasped arms briefly before the spy nodded and climbed into the pilot seat of the J-type 327 Nubian vessel, and Hux found himself wondering when they got ahold of such a retro ship. Its once sleek design was worn, looking as though it was improperly cared for, likely due to age coupled with storage in such a damp place. He quickly back-tracked where he had come from, having reached the main hallway never hearing the ship fire up. He was surprised all of D’Qar didn’t hear it, but chalked it up to the ship’s design. He’d never flown a Nabooian ship.

He swayed on his feet, the weight of what he’d just done making him momentarily dizzy. After he’d regained a sense of balance, Hux quietly made his way through the halls getting lost a few times until he reached the door to his and Kylo’s room. As silently as he had left he slipped inside, creeping over to the bed and climbing in. It didn’t take long for exhaustion to claim him, so much so that he didn’t even notice that the body beside him was no longer asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for so many OCs guys. Needed them for plot.
> 
> Next chapter will be up soon.


End file.
